Redhya

The Sweetest Part of Depression is Solitude Our upcoming generations will never be able to taste the sweetest part of depression — the core, the fruit — i.e., the solitude. Strange, isn’t it? As we grow, our personality diverges like a beam of light from a torch in the dark. But when we’re depressed, it converges. It returns to the source, the deepest point of our being. In that return, the layers of illusions are shed off. The layers once we wore proudly to hide the raw nakedness. Returning to the beginning reveals the internal structure — the bones — the personality of humans. The flesh on the bones is just decoration, imposed by society, demanded by culture. When depression is felt strongly and analysed meticulously, we find ourselves surrounded by the intricate interconnected structures that shape our life. We who've been subconsciously driven by pleasures and pains since our birth. Between comfort and discomfort, we’ve got far away from our true nature — from our true self. Fr...

He might jump off. Shit! I wish I had seen it before — in real life — and not only in movies. I wish I had someone beside me — someone who could respond spontaneously, unlike me, who over analyzes every possibility just to avoid getting involved, fearing he might have to take responsibility for how things turn out. Setting aside myself, I see events from far away — from someone else’s eyes, from someone else’s perspective. It’s a disease. Thinking on someone’s behalf is a disease. Sometimes, after intimate sexual activity, I ponder upon the woman’s expectations of me. Then, the pleasurable moment turns into a pang of guilt that enslaves my indifferent mind. Is this behaviour just to neutralize the pleasure I get after ejaculation? Is it normal? Am I normal? Perhaps. I remember the last time I felt that I hurt someone. One last stroke. I pulled out and quickly laid it across her abdomen. I pressed my groin as hard as possible against her body until my ankles weakened and my body was fil...

"हम केवल उतने ही मजबूत हैं जितना कि हम एकजुट हैं, जितना हम विभाजित हैं उतना ही कमजोर है।" Uttarakhand, the land of gods and natural beauty, is home to rich cultural traditions like Garhwali , Kumaoni , and Jaunsari and other native groups' heritage . However, our unique identity is at risk due to rapid demographic changes and cultural dilution. The Pahadi spirit is faltering in its own mountains. Who is responsible for this—the government, which is still merely studying the Bhu Kanoon (land laws), or the local people who traded their heritage for a handful of rupees? The cultural shift sweeping through Uttarakhand threatens to erode its very soul. It is our traditions, our identity, that make Uttarakhand what it is. If we do not act now, nothing will stop it from becoming another Delhi—a place where the Yamuna is choking, where every breath feels like an invitation to death, and where the very water has turned to poison. It is time for the Paharis to rise , to unite, ...

The Cyclic Nature of Existence Dear reader, you’ve been here before countless times — you just don’t know — reading these outlandish words, perhaps lying in your bed or sitting on an uncomfortable chair. Hard to believe, isn’t it? To comprehend what it is, loosen the grip on your belief system, just for this moment, and accept what you’re reading as true. It’s not only that you’ve read this before — right now having no memory of it whatsoever — but also that the act of reading these very statements in the same manner will repeat itself; there’s no end to this. Dear reader, you’ll find yourself here again like climbing flights and reaching the same floor — like हनुमान looking for राम’s ring, like Sisyphus rolling a boulder. It’s an unsettling thought. It is both a curse and blessing — that you remain unaware of the repetitive nature of occurrences. Each time you die, information vanishes and your consciousness ceases to exist. Some say “चेतना (consciousness) and आत्मा (soul) depart the ...

आषाढ़ माह के scorching summer days. The folds of the skin are covered in sweat. I’m in the dingy lavatory — minding my own business. I see. On my right side, the upright smoked cigarettes on the edge of the wash basin. A total of eleven — they haven’t been touched for ages. The eleven butts guard the white converging well well. Sitting on the English style toilet, the body suffering from exhaustion wants to sleep. Why don’t you just sleep redhya? The skin and bones droop; eyelids droop. The resting elbows crush the thighs’ skin, and after a point, it’ll hurt more than giving comfort. I realise — my life is full of chores. With zero motivation, I do few and keep a lot in the sink in the kitchen — like a pile of unwashed steel bowls and plates that are often explored by cockroaches around midnight. These creepy crawling nocturnal things leave crevices to fill their empty stomachs. Solitude makes you notice unnoticeable and sometimes makes you do things you generally don’t do. Of late, wh...

नकार दो थोपी हुई आस्तिकता को। इसका तम्हारे जीवन में होना दर्शता है कि तुम एक समाज रूपी कारगार में मात्र एक बंधी हो। यह अज्ञान से ज्यादा हानिकारक है चूँकि एक अज्ञानी जैसा तैसे अपना जीवन निर्वाह करता है। परंतु एक थोपी हुई आस्तिकता - यह रोकती है तुम्हें वास्तविकता को समझने से। यह तुम्हें अपने भीतर छुपे सच से बहुत दूर ले जाती है। तभी Dag Hammarskjöld कहते हैं "The longest journey is the journey inward." जीवन को अनुभव तो करो। कब तक अचेतन और मूर्च्छा की अवस्था में पड़े रहोगे। यह तुम्हारा बिना जांच पडताल के हर बात में हामी भर लेना कहा की समझदारी है। Translation Reject the imposed theism. Its presence in your life shows that you are only a prisoner in the cage of society. It is more harmful than ignorance because one who is ignorant lives his life anyhow. But an imposed theism - it prevents you from understanding reality. It takes you far away from the truth hidden within you. That's why Dag Hammarskjöld says, "The longest journey is the journey inward." At least exp...

हम समाज और उसके नियमों और तौर तरीकों से इतना ज्यादा प्रभावित है इस तरह से हमारे भीतर समाज रम गया है कि हम उस को चाह कर भी अपने से अलग नही कर सकते हैं। हम अपना जीवन इस Society और इस Institutionalisation के “न होने की अवस्था में” सोच भी नहीं सकते हैं। इतना डर ​​है हमारे अंदर — इतना संदेह है हमारे अंदर। आप यह देखिये — आप कुछ अनूठा करना चाहते हैं पर वह कार्य आप कर नहीं सकते हैं क्योंकि डर है कि क्या होगा अगर मैं Society के विपरीत जाता हूं तो। मैं ना तो रस्मों की बात करता हूं — ना मैं परंपराओं की बात करता हूं — और ना ही मैं संस्कृतियों की बात करता हूं। हालाँकि हम इन सब से बहुत ज्यादा घिरे हुए हैं। मैं बात करता हूं attachment कि। हम अभी अपने “वर्तमान-जीने-के तरीके” से इतना ज्यादा परिचित या अभ्यस्थ हो चुके हैं कि इस attachment से दूर जाना बहुत कठिन हो गया है। अगर हम बात करें freedom की complete Freedom की — आप जो चाहें अपने जीवन के साथ कर सकें यह ध्यान में रखते हुये कि कोई अन्य व्यक्ति आपके द्वारा किए गए कुछ actions से कष्ट में न पहुंचे। ध्यान से सोचिये, क्या वह कार्य आप कर सकते हैं? हाँ, यह ...

my mother a recreational collector she collects poly bags, plastic bottles, traumas, and at last her shattered self. a kitchen cabinet has been stuffed with an overlooked pile of translucent polymer bags, ropes, and empty mineral water bottles. perhaps, the rubbish pile reminds her of my childhood - the fading memories and her other progenies whom she couldn’t keep close. they had to be weaned off comfort. not her children but at least, she’s got her bags and bottles at one place. at some point in our lives, we knew each other better than ourselves. in my mind, her patterns were engraved; the way she’d say my name was the clue to her following sentence. we were experiences - consciousness magic - an evolutionary miracle wherein the creation and the creator had admired each other for some moments before she got old and wrinkled and i - estranged.

slip the agony in complex sentences and call it art. one feels the struggle, others see only comma splice. she says - erratic thoughts, stuttering words, and confused humans perhaps are misconstrued masterpieces. only if you perceive, chaos is a mess too beautiful to be put together. swimming in my mind’s ocean. am i dreaming or are these lights rather too low? if i were someone's dream, wouldn't it be a dark show? reality cuts me off. (it) disrupts the addictive imagination - throws me into a pool - walking-dead people. i don't know why i am here and what i'm going to do. therefore, keep your ordered world. let me be in this patternless universe with a few dots that are unconnected. listen carefully! a subconscious screams concealed pain & pleasure. around her finger, she twirls a few hair strands. damn! i smile and ponder - not to fall again. subconscious love; subconscious pain *** buy my books on amazon -  redhya

by sunsets on saturdays, lying in her bed, she'd consume a novella and three sesame honey toasts. her back hurt. were a rumbling stomach and a frail body what she overlooked? she preferred not to have romeos, still her clumsy desk had got brews and love letters addressed to fictitious characters and war heroes. she sought literary endings, conclusions, and closures to die for i, lost amongst a pile of books, am devoid of epilogues. the literature - professors had told her strictly to stay away from. her obsession - slow kisses near windows - peeking through cracked walls, the descending sun remained unnoticed while she’d imagine some moments of love. and dry roses lain between unfathomable verses. a word - she often came across but didn’t know the meaning of she totally forgot about her tinder account and wine glasses. the former was for smuts; the other for dying hope around her ankle, a black thread and an unread chapter on a dead kindle she’d bought ages ago. a lo-fi playlist sh...

Whene’er I dwell on freedom in my leisure time (mostly when I am left alone for time enough to jump off a cliff and into my mind), a ripple of electric shock excites some brain cells which right away create several vivid pictures one after another. I thereby let my eyes’ lids droop to reduce distortion (i.e., reality) and see a clear meadow on the foothill of a rather snow-covered mountain on a sunny day during spring. By the meadow, a fierce, noisy waterfall nourishes the flora and fauna residing in the neck of the woods. I, with my passionate lover amidst colourful flowers, frolic naked, running towards the waterfall. Under the waterfall, we look deep into each other’s eyes and get closer and closer until the two serpents are perceived as one. A rational thought thus occurs - what if it ends rather painfully? What if she doesn’t want this in the future? Or more importantly, what if I don’t want this? Do we really want to be free? When humans reach the phase of life wherein they perce...

When I was twenty-one years old, I put myself up in a dormitory named “Vanvas” for some time. Providing shelter to students and employees getting mediocre salaries, that dormitory had people from different states of the country. We shared bathrooms and a filthy dining table lain in a hall next to the only kitchen. The occupants at the dormitory always looked flustered if not annoyed. They were generally found grumbling about communal facilities to each other at every nook and cranny of the building that had five floors. It was natural for me to hate that place too. I’d gnash my teeth in anger, on seeing unflushed toilets. The sight of faeces clinging to a closet would make me scream my head off. Every day, I’d encounter a disastrous event somewhere on one of the floors. For instance, sometimes, I woke up to unusual gurgling noises, the stench of bidis being smoked, and the sound of my alarm clock. Tring, tring… Tring, tring... However, amidst all that mess, a bizarre man, protecting hi...

The Journey Two wheels, revolving rather fast on a congested road and manoeuvring between any space they can fit in, let me cut through the dead traffic. Vexed beings inside cars around me, moving forward at a snail’s pace and honking sporadically, have an urge to skip the depressing now and enter the hopeful future at once. If the traffic were observed from the top of a precipice, it’d look like an organised bookshelf. Surprisingly the very, unruly crowd have got perfectly arranged, first, hedonic events, second, experiences, and, third, expectations to be at peace and practise confusing self-love in their heads. On the other hand, far from the status quo, I – who is ignorant of his psychopathic tendency – am inanely drawn to chaos.  To my mind, chaos is an escape from the distressing reality that favours herd mentality. Besides that, it strictly denies the existence of any meaningful realities since chaos is an unpredictable and patternless system wherein absolute non-determinis...